Pooping On Everything With Triumph The Insult Dog
The most famous Yugoslavian Mountain Hound in the comedy kennel.
Insult comedy is an acquired taste often more enjoyable to other comedians than general audiences. It probably seems obvious on the face of it that you never sit in the front row if you don’t have a thick skin. However, it won’t help you with Triumph. He’ll find you. Whether you’re in a line at a movie premiere, shooting a music video, or attending a political convention. No-one is above being “pooped on” by this clever little hand puppet.
“I appreciate your input.” — Blood Hound Gang
And who’s hand is it? Meet Robert Smigel. Oh, you recognize that face but you can’t remember where from… that’s because you’ve fallen for his rubberized slight of hand like everyone else. We’re just an audience, we see what the cameras show us. But what about behind the scenes?
Created by Smigel and Conan O’Brien, neither could possibly predict the longevity of such an absurd premise. 20 odd years later Triumph is still pooping on those who need to be pooped on. So let’s explore some highlights, the historical moments, the inspirations and the insults that were heard around the world. Expect fowl language, faux-racism, and dirty jokes. Viewer discretion is advised.
Eminem’s “Ass Like That”
Insult comedy is a comedy genre in which the act consists mainly of offensive insults directed at the performer’s audience or other performers.
It all starts with a sketch on Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Triumph’s 1st Appearance in 1997 during a dog “talent” show while competing against a range of other rubber dog puppets playing banjos and performing magic.
Conan: Ladies and gentlemen. Right now we have the winner of the hound group. And this is very exciting. This dog is an insult comic. That’s right. He’s an insult comic. Very rare. here we go.
Triumph: Thank you very much! Yes. Thank you very much. It’s great to be here, Conan O’Brien. Thank you for having me, Conan. Eh, the Conan O’Brien show… it’s a great show… for me to poop on! That’s right, alright. Who do we got here, Conan, who do you got for guests… Siskel and Ebert, that’s great. Doesn’t everyone love Siskel and Ebert. Terrific, oh yes, you know some people have their favorite. Siskel. Ebert. I think their both great… for me to poop on. [Microphone feedback] All right, no seriously, you’re terrific Ebert. You look great. You lost a lot of weight you know that. I tell you what you know what I still wouldn’t hump your leg. That’s right. Okay, okay. No you’re terrific Ebert, I’d hump it, but I’d hump your leg but I would pretend it was Jeffrey Lyons leg you know what I’m saying. Fun. Oh, totally. [tips over fake microphone]
Conan: That’s ok give em a hand everybody!
Triumph: You’ve been a great crowd! For me to poop on!
Conan: [Laughing] What the hell was that? We saw a little more of that dog than we wanted to see, alright…
One alive and one dead there are two and only two Insult Comics who’ve reached the peak of the Insult Mountain spitting mad venom. So high even Triumph can’t poop on them. Don Rickles and Jeff Ross.
Don Rickles, the master, legend, Mr. Warmth, THE insult comic who started it all. Heart of gold, a mind that cut like a diamond. His generous nature and hilarious insults will be remembered forever. He passed (kidney failure) April 6, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California. It’s highly recommended you watch the 2014 One Night Only: An All Star Tribute to celebrate his 88th birthday.
On Jimmy Kimmel:
“Tonight I met your son. He’s a wonderful kid. He gave me some cocaine.”
On Jimmy Fallon:
“We know each other a long time. I know you as one of the funniest impressionists… you do great impressions… besides that I’m delighted that you have a show because you’re fresh, your funny, your great and I want you to know something. From my heart… I never liked you.”
On Mr. T:
“I bring love and I bring peace. I bring kindness and warmth. I love the black people. [Rolls eyes] The black people are my life… my world! They do what they’re told. We’re honouring Mr. T… why? I met this man many years ago in a 711. He said, ‘give me your money!’”
On Martin Scorsese:
“It is now 11 o’clock and I’m fed up and tired. Marti, I would address… somebody get him a phone book to so he can see me. Marti, when we see all the films that you did, none of them were great.”
On His Tribute At The Apollo Theatre:
“From my heart… this is a long night. I look around this room. This is the home of the blacks and we can only see three. Anyway. God bless you black people I love ya I really do. As your laughing here I’m sure one of you guys is up in my hotel room robbing me.”
Jeff Ross, the Roast Master General is currently the king of insult comedy. There is no funnier roaster active today. Jeff reins supreme with a heart as fearless as his wit is quick. He carries the spirit of Rickles forward into the next generation. Not a mean bone in his body, but don’t let your guard down… nothing is sacred when you’re in the target zone.
On NAZIS in Jail:
“Is this where the white people hang out? Does anyone ever get offended by your tattoos? Sometimes. Anyway, good luck with the rest of your stay in jail. How many years? 99. Dude, you should get 6 million years for every Jew that died in the holocaust.”
On random girl with an orthopedic cast on her leg:
“I love chicks that can’t run away.”
On Cybil Shepard:
“Cybil had an affair with Elvis. How cool, man. Years after their affair Cybil revealed that he went down on her. Is that true? [she nods] Ya… alright! Hell ya. You’d think a hound dog would have a better sense of smell.”
On Justin Bieber:
“Selena Gomez wanted to be here but she’s dating men now. Is it true she dumped you because she grew a mustache before you did? That’s right, Selena Gomez used to bang this guy. Proving once again that Mexicans will do the disgusting jobs that Americans just won’t.”
On the Grammys:
I love the Grammys. It’s the greatest music event of the year unless you’ve ever been to an actual concert by anybody. All our questions will be answered on Sunday. Who will win, who will lose, who will drown in a bath tub. [Oooooooh]. Wow. What… is Bobby Brown here? Lighten up!”
On Trump The Vulgarian
“I’m the Roast Master General so now that he’s President I’m hoping to get a call that I can be Secretary of Offense.”
So for fun let’s close it out with an insult appropriate to the theme. I was gonna write more but was distracted by your mom juggling my balls. :) Have a great day!
